THE GREAT GOSPEL OF JOHN
VOLUME 5
Jesus' Precepts and Deeds through His Three Years of Teaching
Jesus in the region of Caesarea Philippi. (cont.) Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 16
- Chapter 104 -
Stahar's confession and experiences of life.
Now Stahar rises and says somewhat morosely to Roklus, "You have in general judged the present Pharisee-hood not unjustly; but as far as your judgment concerns me, you have made a very significant mistake! For I have obviously sought the truth of life secretly just as well as you did and have also only found it here in abundance, and to no-one was it more welcome than me "and perhaps also no-one had such a great joy in it than I myself! For me it was and is an invaluable jewel which I would not like to exchange in the future for all the world!
2
I was and am still very blissful in such light of life; but a little cloud came over my mind when I saw the Lord seizing the beaker so very actively. Why? You already know that, and Floran has quite blown away the little black cloud with his wind of life and he has done a very good deed in me, for which he will not go unrewarded; but you, friend Roklus, have judged me quite inconsiderately and also basically a little wrongly!
3
But so that you see that I do not belong now and have never belonged entirely to those Pharisees, like the few that you have just described, I want to prove it to you in that I will firstly forgive with all my heart the very false judgment of me that you made and secondly I will give you the friendly request to accept me as well as Floran into your institute!
4
At this opportunity I will then also make you familiar with the fact that I have often led even the chair in the council in Jerusalem against your institute and the institute has much to thank me for! For according to the old saying that many hounds are death to the hare, even the institute would have been destroyed, if all the means had been set into motion by us; but my surely very appropriate objection finally succeeded in tolerating your institute in our vicinity. For I made the templars understand that the institute is more conductive than obstructive to the temple's issues, in that many who have long ago lost all faith in the temple will direct their eyes once again to the old pinnacles of the temple through the miracles of your institute, from which they still know very well from the Scriptures and oral traditions what extraordinary things have happened in and outside the temple.
5
It was also I who advised the temple not to go into battle against the miracles of your institute, because the temple would thereby become suspicious of its own. And see, my advice is still very much respected by the temple today, and you cannot claim that something more considerable would have been undertaken against you by the temple! If I however have acted against you as being an arch-Jew, I will not behave against you as your member, and even less so after we have all found the greatest truth of life here and one and the same Lord and Master of eternity! If my plea is pleasing to you then confirm it, and I and all my not insignificant treasures will be yours in the name of the Lord!"
6
Here Roklus extended his hand to Stahar, quite moved, and said, "Be a thousand times welcome to me, brother Stahar! You shall lead the institute at my side!"
7
Stahar says, "Yes, what is there in my strength, I will also unmistakably do; but as you will notice very well yourself, my strength is no longer much to talk about "for at around seventy one can no longer turn over a house! Indeed I am still very spry and feel very youthful, particularly on beautiful, cheerful days; but the youthful ability of an old man acts approximately the same as the endurance of the charm of a beautiful and warm day in late autumn. For a few hours it leaves nothing else to be desired; but immediately afterward an eerie, cold wind rises and there is an end to the charm of the day!
8
It is the same with me. Today I feel as powerful as a young lion, and tomorrow I can immediately stand as miserable and weak as if vampires had drawn every drop of blood from me! And therefore you must not promise yourself too much from my help.
9
But my many experiences shall be your possessions along with my earthly treasures! You will be able to use them for a long time more, since you are only in your fifties, which can be called a true youthful age in comparison with mine. But there is truly no lack of all sorts of experiences in me, and perhaps I will be for you a greater and more valuable treasure for life with my many and very important experiences than with my much gold, jewels and pearls!
10
I too was in the beginning an arduous seeker of truth. I have also travelled through many countries and cities and sought truth and people and must openly admit that my search was not quite without success. I often experienced pretty clear moments in myself. But as in this world things often happen to people, it also happened to me. Today one is quite clear, but tomorrow all sorts of foolish, earthly worries set in and darken the human mind totally, and then no gathering of oneself in the spirit is of any use.
11
The world assails towards our mind without any mercy or consideration and often destroys every trace of a higher and inner light of life. And if one observes oneself after such multi-faceted worldly storms, then in the heart it looks like the great sand desert of the African Sahara; every higher life lies as if dead, and if one begins to shake it again and to set it up, then it seems as if one wanted to begin to lay fields, gardens and pastures on a barren steppe!
12
Yes, it certainly does not exactly belong among the realms of impossible things in the world, to turn into a fertile land a sandy steppe; but there much work and patience is needed! One must first dig good wells, then fetch foreign and good soil from far away and cover the sand with it far and wide and deep enough; then one must make water channels from the well in all directions and arduously irrigate the soil lying on the sand, and in this way a previous sandy steppe would certainly soon be transformed into an Eden. But who would have the right time and desire and the means demanded for such a job?
13
And, friend, it is just the same with a person who has become a true sandy steppe in life through the various storms of life! There is not actually a lack of possibility to become a full person of the light; but where does the person have the strength, the patience and the necessary means for this, particularly if he lives almost entirely by himself?! Yes, here at this extraordinary event which has never before existed, indeed a sandy steppe, no matter how barren, can easily become a blooming Eden physically and spiritually! That is the omnipotence of the Lord, which can turn water into the best wine and stones into the tastiest bread!
14
I however have worked on myself industriously for fifty years and until now I have achieved nothing; but now I have not worked at all and nor did I want to hear anything more about any work, and right now in my lazy condition the Lord has given me more than I ever sought! My old sandy steppe of life has now become a luxurious garden of life; but I have not done anything to help it, but instead the Lord did it voluntarily! But as it is now the case here with me and the forty-nine companions, it was the same case with many others, of whom you yourself are no exception!
15
I have often convinced myself that people rarely find exactly what they often seek the most ardently, and then only in the very rarest case when they are actually seeking it. If a person has lost something on the path and turns around and seeks with all industriousness the lost item, he will certainly find everything else before he finds exactly what he has lost. A very different person, who later takes the same path, easily finds quite casually the lost item of the previous person who is quite unknown to him. Why did someone find the lost item who had never sought it, and why not he who had lost it and then immediately sought it with all industriousness? The Gentiles are almost right in this, when they called such events 'twists of fate'!"