THE GREAT GOSPEL OF JOHN
VOLUME 5
Jesus' Precepts and Deeds through His Three Years of Teaching
Jesus in the region of Caesarea Philippi. (cont.) Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 16
- Chapter 59 -
Raphael reveals Roklus' innermost thoughts about the Lord.
1
(Raphael) "It is certainly true that you have heard some things about the famous Nazarene that seem incredible to you, and you would have willingly had an encounter with Him if it could be without much effort; but you have not exactly sought and you thought to yourself: We have sent brothers after him in any case, and they will report to us what he teaches and does! But the many then left you entirely and became His disciples and have brought you no news about Him at all, and that made you fear now and then, and only through this you became more and more curious to get to know the Nazarene personally.
2
Friend, such pure curiosity alone is by no means love! For just admit it yourself, whether your love for the Nazarene does not more or less resemble how a defeated warrior submits himself to his conqueror in a most friendly way out of pure weakness that he has recognized in himself, so that he will perform no other tests of strength on him! You have actually a very particular fear of the Nazarene in secret and only act as if you so longingly desire to meet Him; but I see in your soul a very different wind blowing. And do you know how the wind, clothed in words, is speaking? Listen, I will interpret it for you!
3
The wind says this: Oh, you very desperate Nazarene! He had to turn up right now, didn't he! The affairs of our fine institute were already going very well! Now the plunder must be brought to the Nazarene of all people, who "who can do it as much as he? "is now performing miracles in comparison with which all our works are pure ashes and through him will soon be suspected and worthless. He has come to us as a true louse in our furs, which will never be brought out again. But now we must make a good face at the most evil game. Everything will be done in order not to make him our enemy. For if he becomes our enemy, in an instant it will be over for our whole institute. What afterwards! To where, and what shall we do? He is never to be defeated; therefore we must get down to business cleverly and yes, do not let anything unfriendly be noticed even from the furthest distance, but instead constantly act with the greatest caution and be as loving and serving to him as possible, and so he will certainly never lift a sword against us as a supposedly good person and will leave us unscathed!
4
Behold, friend, this and quite more is conveyed by your inner wind of life, against which you can hardly say anything except to declare that all I have said now to be a lie, which will not work however, because I would immediately come to you with documents written by your hand whose very obscene content would truly cause a great fuss here. And that would be something that would make your hairs stand on end! Would I be right now if I said to you that you should only try to seek the famous Nazarene with the sharp Intellect of yours? What do you say now to all that?"
5
Quite moved, Roklus says, "Yes, dear friend, if you can read my inner feelings, then every further conversation has ended and I must now bow down before you, boy, in all seriousness and beg you for forgiveness for everything that I have ever said against you!"
6
Raphael says, "You see, you had to get that out too, and now you are capable of being introduced to the Nazarene, and so now, follow me!"
7
Roklus says with very strongly embarrassed-sounding words, "Yes, friend, everything is very beautiful and eminent! Yes, yes, there is a - how can I say it? "Yes, yes, there is a great worth in it and a very inhumanly great honor, to be introduced to the most powerful and most eminent person on the whole Earth! Yes, yes, that's it! But if such a fully perfectly divine person possesses as well as all his unfathomable powers for miracles the particular ability to look through the likes of us and to tell the whole life story of a person like me before the whole world "do you know, then closer acquaintanceship with such a man of God is no longer something pleasant at all! And I would now rather run away from here than to remain here any longer! In addition it has become so very close to the evening and we all have some business to do at home for today "and you will therefore consider us excused if I now turn down your otherwise very valuable offer to me, that is, if it cannot exactly be that we become acquainted with the most famous of all most famous people. Naturally, if you see this to be something good and necessary for us and you demand it, then it goes without saying that we will certainly not oppose you as our spiritually greatest benefactor; but to be honest, it is really not very pleasant for me to be placed right under the nose of such an enormous human great in power and wisdom, because one then begins to feel like the purest nothing beside him! One becomes a thousand times nothing, while the opponent only increases exponentially more and more with his uninvestigable all-in-all in such fullness of his. Such a feeling of nothingness pains me and hurts my heart; therefore I have no very particular joy now in being introduced to the famous Nazarene any longer."
8
Raphael says, "If you do not get to know Him, you will deny your souls eternal life! In addition you have already remarked very well yourself that you, in order to have everything, only need to have the Nazarene alone! Now there is the opportunity, but only until tomorrow morning; His departure from here is decided for the earliest morning. No-one but He knows where to! Therefore you have to act now if you want to live forever!"
9
Roklus says, "Well, lead us to him then! He won't kill us in such circumstances, will he?!"
10
Raphael says, "He will give you all true life, yes, he will "but he will not bend a hair on your head for this present pseudo life of yours! Therefore follow me as I have already previously made the offer!"