The Household of God
Volume 2
Rise and spiritual prime of the first world empire Hanoch
- Chapter 35 -
HORED'S MUSINGS AND SELF-CONTEMPLATION IN ADAM'S CAVE
Following this speech of Abedam, Hored fell down on his face and ardently entreated Abedam to transform his heart, since he was feeling too weak and was realizing that he was incapable of achieving anything by himself; let Abedam, therefore, have grace and mercy upon him!
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But Abedam said to him: "Do what I bade you do and you will be helped; for, at the marked spot I have prepared a remedy for you. So go and snatch it if you value your life as well as My grace, love and mercy. Amen."
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Thereupon Hored rose, gave thanks with a trembling heart and at once went to the by two thousand paces distant cave.
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Having arrived at the cave, he gazed for some time at the richly colored rock and began to ponder over the cause of such splendor; but he could not come to a satisfactory explanation.
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Finally, he hit upon a good thought so that he said to himself: "When the sun's strong ray is refracted in the well-formed, smooth and throughout multicolored transparent surfaces of this precious rock, these colors are of course lit up in indescribable life-like splendor and majesty issuing from the rock.
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"But are they for this reason its property? - Oh, by no means at all! As soon as the sun sets behind the mountain, your entire great splendor likewise sinks down into the deep night
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"What difference, then, is there between you and the most common sandstone, over which even the ant hurriedly patters lest it be dried out by its great aridity and finally die?
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Thus, is not everything enhanced only through the light? - Yes, yes, through the light; but what is for all that the splendor of all things in the light? A falsehood, definitely a falsehood!
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"Abedam, as He is called by the patriarchs, did tell me a while ago something of a half truth; - - behold, behold, a strange light is beginning therefrom to dawn on me. Indeed, there can truly and in all earnest be something like a half-truth.
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"Who can dispute the splendor of the forms of things, as for instance of flowers, of precious stones, fruits, animals and thus also of humans as well as of countless other things? But their splendor is only a half splendor without the light.
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"What is the glorious light as such when its rays should be scattered into the empty spaces of infinity without striking some form which will then be enhanced by it?
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"Or is the visible form of light as such something truly and characteristically beautiful?
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"Who could call the sun, the moon, all the stars, or the light of a torch as such truly beautiful? Indeed, they are not, and even the simplest little flower has more beauty than the whole, rather monotonous, round, apparent sphere of the sun and the moon or the insignificant dots representing the stars.
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"Yes, yes, everywhere only a half-truth; form without light has only half the value, likewise light without form.
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"Indeed, the same thing would apply also to man if his heart, devoid of love or form, kept turning hither and thither.
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"To be sure, the intellect, like the sun, sends out its rays; but what good is it to the emptiness. Where there is nothing, what is the effect of the ray when it strikes the dull surface of nothing?
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"Yes truly, in my heart there is nothing; absolutely nothing, neither love, contrition, sorrow, joy nor pleasure, - even desire no longer stirs with-in it.
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"Do I maybe have a joy in life? Oh no, for me, life is what is for the stone the brilliance of its colors! - Do I maybe feel hunger or thirst? Also of these two I feel nothing!
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"I am supposed to repent of my folly; if so, which one? Maybe that my heart is empty and not benefited by this light of reason, which is not absorbed by any form within me?
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"Repentance is a miserable daughter of love; however, if the mother is still somewhere in the vast field, from where am I to take the daughter?
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"I am a fool, - this is what Abedam Jehovah told me - I firmly believe that I am; for He, Who is Eternal Truth, told me so, - therefore, I must surely be a fool.
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"But why am I a fool? Because my heart is devoid of form or love! And if it is empty, with what shall it be filled?
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"Surely not with light; for, where the ray of light finds nothing, it traverses the whole of infinity without ever coming back.
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"So, from where take to satiate the nothingness? - But - quiet, quiet! What is that? What is that glorious sound? O God, You great, holy Jehovah, now let me expire! No, no; do let me live now!
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"I hear sounds, sounds, oh, holy sounds! They are not words, - I do not understand them; but although I do not understand them they are more glorious, infinitely more glorious than the most intelligible word.
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"O God, something is becoming clear, namely, - that I am a great fool!
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"Is not the word the form of the sound? Yet here the sound alone is more glorious than its form.
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"Here, my wisdom is at an end; this phenomenon has put an end to all my principles.
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"Lord, here the sinner is lying in the dust before You and all he can say is: O dear Father, show grace and mercy also to me, a poor sinner! Your holy will. Amen."