The Great Gospel of John
Volume 4
Jesus' Precepts and Deeds through His Three Years of Teaching
Jesus near Caesarea Philippi (cont.)
- Chapter 84 -
Zorel's good intentions.
Says Zorel, completely mortified by surprise about the high truth and pureness of this My somewhat lengthy practical teaching of life: "Lord and everlasting Master of all being and life! I for my person have recognized You even without this preceding practical life's exercise, - that such from Your mouth could not have been spoken by a person, but only by a God who has created heaven and earth and people; nevertheless, I will even more intensely transfer everything practical into my life, what You, o Love of all love, have mercifully taught me!
2
I have understood everything; since it strangely appeared to me, that somewhere I have heard similar words before and also practised. But it could have occurred also in a dream; because in real life I truly wouldn't know, where and when such mercy would have been given to me! But it remains strange how every word out of Your holy mouth has stimulated me so familiar and so exceedingly friendly! Therefore everything was also so very clear to me! Nevertheless, it can be as it wants to be, - such words and such teachings, which so deeply, true and faithfully touches everything what is called life in man, have never been spoken by a mortal mouth of any person!
3
Who after these words could not find the right path to his inner, spiritual life's perfection and not experience the mighty desire, to direct all his actions accordingly, should truly either not be human at all, or he must lived himself quite mightily into the silly, dead world, and his soul must have become completely like a diamond, otherwise it could not be thought of, how a person, who has heard and understood this teaching, not direct his whole life accordingly, since by that he must be able to see the final goal so brightly and clear as he must see the midday sun before him! By that, however, I do not want to boast as if I already have achieved something; but a life- consciousness penetrating and perfectly clear understanding of the purest truth of such a teaching already counts for something, which - at least for me - has already a quite considerable life's value.
4
However, who sees this holy matter as clearly as I am, he, including me, will surely not be a fool anymore, who rather plunges himself with all such most living insight and recognition into the excrement puddles and pools of the world, to fish for the smelling mud, in which he finally must suffocate, then to climb the illuminated heights of Horeb and Libanon and to collect the healing herbs, which cure and completely heal the ill soul for the everlasting life. Under the curing herbs on the illuminated heights of Horeb and Libanon I understand the works, which one only can find, o Lord, on the illuminated heights of truth-recognition of Your teaching, this means, by the actions according to the word, which was received from Your mouth. But under 'Horeb' and 'Libanon' I understand the divine-truth and the divine-good, - which is according to my reason the meaning.
5
Great, holy and above all Elated are You, o Lord, who stands here before me, - but never greater, more holy and more elated than in the people, which Your love and wisdom has transformed into your children!
6
See, Lord, it also must be for You a greatest joy, if a creature with a previously only human form, begins to listens and understands Your father-word, yes finally takes freely by himself the unalterable decision, also to walk and to act, in order to reach this holy perfection, which You as God, Creator, Father and Teacher has placed as a most blessed goal!
7
How big must Your joy as a father be, if a person has reached perfection in Your holy order! But how big must also be the joy of a child, which in and out of its created nullity in the fullness of its true humility in its inner perfection finally recognizes You as the true and only Father! I would like to know the heavenly angel-spirit, who, with a sun-bright imagination, can describe such joy, - and also him, who out of this his present spiritual poverty could grasp such depth of such imagination, as only partially successful it could be understood! I have sort of a vague premonition, - yes, it appears to me again if I had felt somewhere in a dream something similar; but this only seems to be a blest backward effect of this, what Your teaching, o Lord, has created in my heart and my will!
8
It is the joy of a sower, who has the consciousness, that his field will be cleared from all weed and that a pure seed will be placed into the furrow, which surely awakens the most beautiful hope for a blest harvest.
9
My field is good now, what You, o Lord, certainly has seen, otherwise You would not have wasted the purest seed by sowing it so plentiful. This consciousness might actually produce the undescribable feeling of joy in me; since I'm sure of the results, because I'm perfectly sure of the possibility, that I will bring Your holy word to the fullest reality in me. Once the cause is completely there, the great, holy effect cannot remain under way. I do not want something half, but the perfect completeness; therefore regarding my actions, there should never be a half measure, but only the complete wholeness as Your word is coming in actions to the fore!
10
As scoundrel I was able to achieve something complete, where I could not expect with any certainty any results to be blest; only a somewhat bad draught and all my so prosperous hopes were lying on the bottom of the sea! And still no one can accuse me of any tepidness and prove me any half measure. If I could be something complete as a scoundrel, often without any prospect of any only halfway spiritual effect, how much more will I be able to avoid any half measure along this path turning away my thoughts, words and deeds from this what the world requires; since it has guided me long enough on a fool's leash.
11
No seed of any worldly thoughts and no sign of a worldly deed will rise in me again, this means, according to my once taken will certainly never! But for that, what I cannot control, like the orderly needs of my body, I can not vouch for; since they, o Lord, are in Your almighty will's hand. But my thoughts, my ideas, my words and my actions will one day give me the testimony, that also a Greek can keep his word and once taken intentions!
12
It can also happen that I in this my blest inflamed soul, I have said things too rash; but it doesn't matter! Zorel will not forget what he has said here; and if he doesn't forget it, he will act strictly accordingly - and should it cost his earthly life! Since I clearly know and feel it most vividly, that after the separation of the flesh-life most certainly and true there exists another, incomparable more perfect life, and therefore this flesh-life is worth to me a hollow nut! So many times I had to place my life at stake for a trifling, earthly profit, - why not now, where I'm sure of the profit, which I now think, feel and speak?!
13
O, I do not speak like an intoxicated fool now, but with the most sober senses of the world, and I say this as a testimony, that I have understood and comprehended the fullness of truth of the word of God! That I fully understand it, proves that I now want to sacrifice my earthly life for this holy truth, - which I do not just say to give my words some kind of oratorical respect before you, but I speak how I really feel it in my heart.
14
There are people, who, seized by the extraordinary opportunity, speak, as if they wanted to turn the whole earth into a garden already the next day; but if the opportunity is over, they begin to think about everything they saw and heard, but the decision to act dissipates from day to day more and more, and the old, silly habits soon take the place of the new decisions. But with me it never was the case; if I have recognized something as true, I acted strictly accordingly for as long as I fully convinced myself of something better.
15
My earlier actions never stood in any conflict with my life views, which were even before the forum absolutely not opposed to the purest and largely philanthropic views of a worldly reason. But how could I have ever anticipated, that I will ever come into a life contact in this world with the Master of all being and life, where my views of reason against His purest wisdom and most true life view, are melting like wax in the sun! But the unthinkable has taken place: The God in all His fullness of His everlasting power- and wisdom perfection is standing in front of us all and teaches us not only the temporary, but also the everlasting destination of man and his life, with such tangible, clear words, that nearly even a blind and dumb must understand them right to the bottom of all bottoms! And as such one can't help it, to take a life decision, from which, even if a world is crushed to ruins, will forever not dissuade me!
16
Yes, people, who are nothing else than vainly coward cissies, will always orientate themselves more according to the world than the holiest truth out of the mouth of the only true God; since the world also has its advantages for the time being like gold and silver and gemstones! For such excrements weak people let God soon become a good man; since He does not let gold and silver rain out of the clouds for them. But I have now become familiar with the purest gold of the true heavens of God and therefore despise from the deepest ground of my life this tempting excrement of the earth! You, almighty Lord of eternity, punish me now, if there is one false word which has left my mouth!
17
However, you, high Cyrenius, I begged only in my silliness and spiritual poverty for a little support; but now I take my inappropriate request back! Since where I have found the treasures of heaven in such abundant measure, I do not require the earthly ones anymore; also my field and my burnt down hut I don't need anymore, because I have recognised and seen the hut of God in my heart. Sell everything and pay those to whom I owe something in an earthly way! But I will work and serve the people with everything what is right before God; because I can work, have taught myself certain skills during the time of my life, and are therefore a useful person. Hopefully the necessary amount of time will be granted to me everywhere, to be able to correspond in my actions, to what I have committed myself for all times and forever?!"
18
Says I: "Because I knew your soul quite well, I have called you in the spirit, otherwise you would not have come here; but since you have been so much transformed, you will also be provided for further on. You will become a good instrument for Me among the Greek on the coasts of Asia Minor and also with those in Europe. There, some exist who are longing for the light, but are not able to obtain it from anywhere. For the time being you are taken into the house of Kornelius, who is a brother of Cyrenius. In that house you will be provided for with everything. But when the time comes that you should go out and make known My name to the nations, I will let you know at the right time. When you have to speak, it will not be necessary for you to think about it, but at the hour it will be placed into your heart and mouth, and the nations will listen to you and praise Him, who gave you such wisdom and power."